It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're going to love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Posole Soup
Posole
3-4 lbs of pork roast( or tender meat)( Beef sirloin center cut is very yummy) cut very small
garlic salt
season salt
...2, 15oz white & yellow hominy
1 onion
2 stalks celery, chopped
4 carrots or 1 can carrots (del monte select)
1, 13oz chicken broth
1, 4 oz can chopped green chilis
dash oregano, cumin
1 lb mild mexican velveeta or velveeta w/one can diced rotel tom
1 c milk
*Spray soup pan with pam or a little oil. cut meat small and place in and cook. Drain one can hominy and add and then add other can hominy with broth from can. add everything else but milk. boil then simmer. I have melted the velveeta in the microwave with the rotel, like queso, and then add it to soup. add milk then simmer after cutting back heat.
Make some homemade bread on side:)
3-4 lbs of pork roast( or tender meat)( Beef sirloin center cut is very yummy) cut very small
garlic salt
season salt
...2, 15oz white & yellow hominy
1 onion
2 stalks celery, chopped
4 carrots or 1 can carrots (del monte select)
1, 13oz chicken broth
1, 4 oz can chopped green chilis
dash oregano, cumin
1 lb mild mexican velveeta or velveeta w/one can diced rotel tom
1 c milk
*Spray soup pan with pam or a little oil. cut meat small and place in and cook. Drain one can hominy and add and then add other can hominy with broth from can. add everything else but milk. boil then simmer. I have melted the velveeta in the microwave with the rotel, like queso, and then add it to soup. add milk then simmer after cutting back heat.
Make some homemade bread on side:)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day to Day/Ordinary
Just finished putting everyone to bed. Well mostly. 3 yr old, Grant is up asking for water even though he has some in his hand. Now he is saying his sticker is gone and he wants more water in his cup. 3 yr old, Sherman was hilarious. When I came into their room he announced that Reye was swimming. Now Sherman is out wanting to know if he can eat a pickle. Up from my chair they are all running for their beds.
Nothing remarkable happened today. What a blessing. For our life is far from ordinary. I'll take boring any day. Kids were good, no one painted the walls, well except for the chair with the white crayon, forgot about that. Now one got in trouble at school, oh ya. I did have to run Petra a new outfit at 7:15 this morning. She spilled milk. No one broke any bones or went potty in the living room.
We just ate breakfast, spilled our milk, went to the gym, had a pickle and soup, wouldn't take a nap, fought with our brother and so on.
Nothing remarkable happened today. What a blessing. For our life is far from ordinary. I'll take boring any day. Kids were good, no one painted the walls, well except for the chair with the white crayon, forgot about that. Now one got in trouble at school, oh ya. I did have to run Petra a new outfit at 7:15 this morning. She spilled milk. No one broke any bones or went potty in the living room.
We just ate breakfast, spilled our milk, went to the gym, had a pickle and soup, wouldn't take a nap, fought with our brother and so on.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunshine
Had a great day with the kids. Best part is starting it off with God. We have new neighbors and they have a little girl just right for Petra to play with. Hooray.
I am so thankful for my work out buddy and all my friends at the gym.
Had a brainstorm of an idea for Children's ministry at our church. Hope to talk with Robbie soon.
The weather was awesome so we made it down to the duck pond. The twins were edging up to all the fisherman. Need to get them a pole.
Closed out the night with the movie "Wall Street" with Randy. OK flick but kind of dragged on in the end.
I am so thankful for my work out buddy and all my friends at the gym.
Had a brainstorm of an idea for Children's ministry at our church. Hope to talk with Robbie soon.
The weather was awesome so we made it down to the duck pond. The twins were edging up to all the fisherman. Need to get them a pole.
Closed out the night with the movie "Wall Street" with Randy. OK flick but kind of dragged on in the end.
Friday, September 17, 2010
God Momments / In the Wind
The debre is lifting the cobwebs are being removed and the clarity of God's word and purpose is being revealed. Oh for shame for the many a days and years that I have not layed in waiting at your feet. What could be better? Where can I go from your presence. Why, oh why Lord have I forsaken my 1st love? Yes I have sought you. prayed, and stood in your presence a time or two every week but only to have it turned off as easily as it was turned on. Let me fear not being so close to hear your voice. Let me know that all that iI am, all that I will ever do and be is to be birthed in the Holy of hollies. Yes Lord, I place my will in your hands to make and mold. I place my mind, emotions and will at your disposable. I have done so little wit the talents you have bestowed on me. To big, to scary to wield on my own yet with you caring them nothing formed against me will prosper.
Furious writing, I have written, in my private blog of a sickeningly hard season of my life. I pray that I can share the bits from the Lord and my healing here in a way that brings hope.
I am immersing myself in direction now. Going to a 12 step Codependency class, marriage counseling, private counseling and soon a women's Bible study. I pray I will be surrounded by a cloud of witnesses that will bring forth God's word into my life.
On Wednesday I went to prayer at church and God impressed on me to pray durng the section on repentance. As I stood at the mike I wondered if I would just cry and meagerly get the words out. Then a boldness began to well within me and as I waited my turn His spirit fell on me. Hands raised in worship as waves of His spirit coursed through me like lakes of living word. Then His words began to pour through me. "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and ever shalt be." Then my turn came and I just repeated God message. The Lord was showing me that we must 1st see and walk into th holy of hollies and be in awe of his Majesty to truly repent. Among the ashes we are not able to see the sharp contract of our sin. It is only in the presence of the true and living God in his purity that we can see to repent.
From that day forward I am committing to spending time with God in the morning. It is more than a committment it is a hunger. I need his joy purpose and peace in my life. I need his power and Majesty upon my head every morning. I have a hard walk ahead of me, "thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for the Lord my God is with me, his word and his staff comfort me." I have always cringed at the "staff" part of that passage. Oh what joy now. It is his law. Not to be hit out of turn by but likened to that of the billy club of the police. That staff reminds me to obey, that staff reminds me of the law and I can stand behind. Knowing that He will use his staff in protection against those that choose to sin against me. The Shepard guides his sheep with his staff and strikes those that preyed upon them. That staff is not their to strike me but the enemies of my soul.
This morning in God Calling I read some powerful words.
"Show us Thy way. O Lord, and let us walk in Thy paths. You are doing so. This is the way. The way of uncertain future and faltering steps. It is My way."
-yes, yes, how powerful is that. uncertainly and faltering is always my diversion from the path.
"Put all fear of the future aside. Know that you will be led. Know that you will be shown. I have promised."
-I am standing on that promise and putting my fears at His feet.
Then I read today's reading from the one year Bible, Isaiah 25 - 28. Wow powerful. These passages struck me.
Isaiah 26:16-19 (New International Version)
16 LORD, they came to you in their distress;
when you disciplined them,
they could barely whisper a prayer. [a]
17 As a woman with child and about to give birth
writhes and cries out in her pain,
so were we in your presence, O LORD.
18 We were with child, we writhed in pain,
but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth;
we have not given birth to people of the world.
19 But your dead will live;
their bodies will rise.
You who dwell in the dust,
wake up and shout for joy.
Your dew is like the dew of the morning;
the earth will give birth to her dead.
- oh to give birth to the wind. The joy of worship when I give birth to the wind. Praise God for the times again and again that he has let me birth His wind. May I never again stop hungering and thirsting after righteousness so I can enter into his presence and birth the wind. Blow down on us Lord.
Isaiah 28:5-9 (New International Version)
5 In that day the LORD Almighty
will be a glorious crown,
a beautiful wreath
for the remnant of his people.
6 He will be a spirit of justice
to him who sits in judgment,
a source of strength
to those who turn back the battle at the gate.
7 And these also stagger from wine
and reel from beer:
Priests and prophets stagger from beer
and are befuddled with wine;
they reel from beer,
they stagger when seeing visions,
they stumble when rendering decisions.
8 All the tables are covered with vomit
and there is not a spot without filth.
9 "Who is it he is trying to teach?
To whom is he explaining his message?
To children weaned from their milk,
to those just taken from the breast?
-What does this mean? I have read it again in the amplified. Lord your direction and insight please.
The Last of God's blessing in this season to share is about my fervor to find employment again. My heart is actually to get into what I had desired from my youth. To help hurting women and children. Working on my resume and seeking God's direction. I called my old employment and my old job is about to open up again in December. The best part is that CHRISTUS has always opened up for me in times of great need. This would be my 3rd time of employment with them if it happens.
Furious writing, I have written, in my private blog of a sickeningly hard season of my life. I pray that I can share the bits from the Lord and my healing here in a way that brings hope.
I am immersing myself in direction now. Going to a 12 step Codependency class, marriage counseling, private counseling and soon a women's Bible study. I pray I will be surrounded by a cloud of witnesses that will bring forth God's word into my life.
On Wednesday I went to prayer at church and God impressed on me to pray durng the section on repentance. As I stood at the mike I wondered if I would just cry and meagerly get the words out. Then a boldness began to well within me and as I waited my turn His spirit fell on me. Hands raised in worship as waves of His spirit coursed through me like lakes of living word. Then His words began to pour through me. "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and ever shalt be." Then my turn came and I just repeated God message. The Lord was showing me that we must 1st see and walk into th holy of hollies and be in awe of his Majesty to truly repent. Among the ashes we are not able to see the sharp contract of our sin. It is only in the presence of the true and living God in his purity that we can see to repent.
From that day forward I am committing to spending time with God in the morning. It is more than a committment it is a hunger. I need his joy purpose and peace in my life. I need his power and Majesty upon my head every morning. I have a hard walk ahead of me, "thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for the Lord my God is with me, his word and his staff comfort me." I have always cringed at the "staff" part of that passage. Oh what joy now. It is his law. Not to be hit out of turn by but likened to that of the billy club of the police. That staff reminds me to obey, that staff reminds me of the law and I can stand behind. Knowing that He will use his staff in protection against those that choose to sin against me. The Shepard guides his sheep with his staff and strikes those that preyed upon them. That staff is not their to strike me but the enemies of my soul.
This morning in God Calling I read some powerful words.
"Show us Thy way. O Lord, and let us walk in Thy paths. You are doing so. This is the way. The way of uncertain future and faltering steps. It is My way."
-yes, yes, how powerful is that. uncertainly and faltering is always my diversion from the path.
"Put all fear of the future aside. Know that you will be led. Know that you will be shown. I have promised."
-I am standing on that promise and putting my fears at His feet.
Then I read today's reading from the one year Bible, Isaiah 25 - 28. Wow powerful. These passages struck me.
Isaiah 26:16-19 (New International Version)
16 LORD, they came to you in their distress;
when you disciplined them,
they could barely whisper a prayer. [a]
17 As a woman with child and about to give birth
writhes and cries out in her pain,
so were we in your presence, O LORD.
18 We were with child, we writhed in pain,
but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth;
we have not given birth to people of the world.
19 But your dead will live;
their bodies will rise.
You who dwell in the dust,
wake up and shout for joy.
Your dew is like the dew of the morning;
the earth will give birth to her dead.
- oh to give birth to the wind. The joy of worship when I give birth to the wind. Praise God for the times again and again that he has let me birth His wind. May I never again stop hungering and thirsting after righteousness so I can enter into his presence and birth the wind. Blow down on us Lord.
Isaiah 28:5-9 (New International Version)
5 In that day the LORD Almighty
will be a glorious crown,
a beautiful wreath
for the remnant of his people.
6 He will be a spirit of justice
to him who sits in judgment,
a source of strength
to those who turn back the battle at the gate.
7 And these also stagger from wine
and reel from beer:
Priests and prophets stagger from beer
and are befuddled with wine;
they reel from beer,
they stagger when seeing visions,
they stumble when rendering decisions.
8 All the tables are covered with vomit
and there is not a spot without filth.
9 "Who is it he is trying to teach?
To whom is he explaining his message?
To children weaned from their milk,
to those just taken from the breast?
-What does this mean? I have read it again in the amplified. Lord your direction and insight please.
The Last of God's blessing in this season to share is about my fervor to find employment again. My heart is actually to get into what I had desired from my youth. To help hurting women and children. Working on my resume and seeking God's direction. I called my old employment and my old job is about to open up again in December. The best part is that CHRISTUS has always opened up for me in times of great need. This would be my 3rd time of employment with them if it happens.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Raod Trip Day 59
We will be home today for Reye's football practice. Wow. 59 days of travel brought to a close.
Crystal made pancakes for the kids. They played the Wii and played outside a bit. Lots of sword fighting for the twins.
I ran out with the twins to get baby wipes. When we got back we went swimming in the neighbors pool. Great pool complete with a slide and jumping rock. Kay had a hard time shaking being sad since she couldn't swim. Hopefully it will be a good lesson in making the most of even hard times.
We got on the road around 1pm after a nice sandwich lunch. Wish we lived closer to Rick and Crystal. Petra was so sad to leave. She played more with the girls this time but really wanted to play with Johnathan.
Driving again took longer than expected.
When we got home Randy had a nice dinner ready for us. Randy and Reye had to run off quick for football practice. While they were gone some welcome home flowers arrived for me from Randy. Kay and Petra really wanted to play with friends. We got Kay's pet back from the neighbors. I started some laundry and we started to settle back in.
When the boys got back everyone did their own thing for a while and then Randy read the kids a bible story and said a prayer with the family. It was a nice end to our trip.
Putting the twins to bed was a bit challenging. They have had me at their side every day. I stayed with them for a bit and they did fall asleep.
Sweet dreams to all.
Crystal made pancakes for the kids. They played the Wii and played outside a bit. Lots of sword fighting for the twins.
I ran out with the twins to get baby wipes. When we got back we went swimming in the neighbors pool. Great pool complete with a slide and jumping rock. Kay had a hard time shaking being sad since she couldn't swim. Hopefully it will be a good lesson in making the most of even hard times.
We got on the road around 1pm after a nice sandwich lunch. Wish we lived closer to Rick and Crystal. Petra was so sad to leave. She played more with the girls this time but really wanted to play with Johnathan.
Driving again took longer than expected.
When we got home Randy had a nice dinner ready for us. Randy and Reye had to run off quick for football practice. While they were gone some welcome home flowers arrived for me from Randy. Kay and Petra really wanted to play with friends. We got Kay's pet back from the neighbors. I started some laundry and we started to settle back in.
When the boys got back everyone did their own thing for a while and then Randy read the kids a bible story and said a prayer with the family. It was a nice end to our trip.
Putting the twins to bed was a bit challenging. They have had me at their side every day. I stayed with them for a bit and they did fall asleep.
Sweet dreams to all.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Road Trip Day 58
After breakfast we were on the road to Rick and Crystals house. Crazy drivers today. Came up on a lady going 40 and swerving. When I past her I could see she was asleep. I honked but she didn't wake up. Then I saw her swerve into the other lane. I called 911 to report her. Hope she got off the road before hitting someone.
Gave me a good chance to talk to the kids about safety.
The drive time was much longer than the GPS stated. Going to be glad when all this driving is over. We made it to their house around 5:30. We played on their playground. How awesome. they have a zip line. Sherman was saying awesome Kay. They jumped climbed and just played.
After dinner the little boys had a bath. Great deep tub.
Gave me a good chance to talk to the kids about safety.
The drive time was much longer than the GPS stated. Going to be glad when all this driving is over. We made it to their house around 5:30. We played on their playground. How awesome. they have a zip line. Sherman was saying awesome Kay. They jumped climbed and just played.
After dinner the little boys had a bath. Great deep tub.
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