Day to Day/Inspiration

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Loving life today. Listening to my favorite music on the computer. The kids are coloring in the kitchen. I just finished doing my 5 job searches for unemployment benefits. Yes, life is good. The crayon on the table is no problem. I know how to get that off. Sheets are being washed, diapers have been changed and we are a happy house.

Been thinking of a few different things. The great relational times built at the changing table. How my oldest is growing up. Passion will be the glue that holds my marriage together.

As much as I hate the smell and wiggle legs while changing my boys I must say that I love diaper time. Some of the best smiles and hugs are given at the changing table. I sing to them. I tell them that they have a yummy belly and that I must eat them up. They just light up. I can get nose to nose with them and Eskimo kiss.

Kay is growing up into a lady in every way. I spoke with a friend the other day that was struggling with her daughter that didn't want to spend time because mom had taken away privileges. Her daughter was only one year older than mine. I see Kay tear up when she get's in trouble. Struggling to work hard on her chores. I have always wondered when her sadness would be turned towards us as parents. She has never said anything hurtful towards me. I had a thought of building a special locked box for her to keep a journal in. She could have all her supplies and I could leave love notes through a mail slot. I was surprised when I talked to her last night to hear that she already needs a place to write her hurt and angry feelings. The best part was telling her that she will never get in trouble for her feelings. My desire is to teach her how to deal with them in a healthy way. Not exploding with them. Not repressing them but surrendering them to God and asking the Father what she needs to learn an do with them. It was a great talk. I told her that hurt between the ones we love will happen but it can also be the glue that holds us together if we find healing and wholeness after we have been hurt. I am so excited to see the results of helping my children to have a full range of emotions expressed on purpose.

The best for last. The key to a great marriage I believe is passion. To be honest I'm still working on it. I had really thought that communication and submission was the key. That flirtation, being cherished, making eyes at each other was a thing for single/newlyweds. He made the catch and now we were just available to each other. Well I'm not buying that any more. I am eager for my man to continue to chase me for the rest of our lives. I am eager to learn how he wants me to flirt with him. We are so different. Why do I think this is the key? Well it hit me. I was in a legalistic relationship with Christ for 12 years before I entered into one of unconditional love. Wow. The difference it made. It is no longer fear of displeasing him that keeps me on the road of Christ but an undying, passionate love for the savior. When your eyes are full of love, admiration for the Lord the desire to make him happy will follow. I think this can apply in a marriage. When love is blind the little things won't offend. And believe me the bedroom will definitely see a few more happy faces. Why on earth would us women just go along for the ride without fighting for that passionate love to be a constant. If we let this dye, like I had for a time, other areas will be soon to follow. Find that yearning you had for your husband and keep it alive. If I wanted to grow old with a friend I would have married a girl.

Unconditional Love

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Here in my head, my love for you. All ablaze. I loved them all before they were born. Only to find that love doubles each day. Each look into their eyes. I long for time from my children each day. Wishing the house work would all go away so we could just laugh and play. Yet even the chores are better when we can be together. Singing our chore songs. Watching Petra dance her dance, it makes us all laugh. What amazes me the most is how my love is never wavered no matter what they do. Disobey, aggravate me to my boiling point matters not to the love I have for them. They really do feel like bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I am sure I would bleed when they have wounds of the heart. Will this kind of love for them really last a life time? Will I never wish for a moment that I wasn't a mom. It really is an unbelievable kind of love. For no one else do I have this kind of sacrificial love. My parents, my friends, boyfriends and now my husbands have all been the recipient of my conditional love. My love that ebbs and flows for a mired of reasons. Sometimes willing myself to love again, praying, longing for that perfect love that only seems to be for my children. The love I have for my children has no walls nor do I ever feel trapped. It is never put on. It just flows fresh and true. God's word says that the two will become one flesh. Why then do I still not see my husband as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh? I so long for that kind of love for him. He is a wonderful, gracious man yet what upsets him only seems to aggravate me. I want to see through his eyes, walk in his shoes and be one in spirit so we can move and be as one. All I know is the longing I use to have for him when we were 1st married. Love struck, anticipating when we would be together again. Is it the lack of anticipation? We now live and work together all the time. We have no separation beyond the walls inside our house and the harshness of our voices that says we are busy. I stand believing that God will give me the desire of my heart. A heart that burns with an unconditional love for my husband.

When our Minds don't Meet

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How to find solutions when our minds don't meet. I respect that my husband and I don't see the same set of priorities and that this makes us a good team. He has delegated most of the daily responsibilites to me and this works well. The problem occurs when I am given time to myself but I don't get to leave me behind to do all that I do. Since we don't see things the same often some of the most basic needs of the babies or the house or not met in my absence; chips for lunch, diapers not changed, bed time not honored, dishes not done, messes not cleaned up, etc. If I have learned anything in 10 years of marriage it is to only expect what I have already see him do repeatedly. My husband is not a schedule, routine kind of person. I can usually work around this by managing everything that needs routine, dinner, dishes, homework, diapers, etc. He gets to pop in and do one of these chores of mine but never with it being expected.

I don't like my solution but for now it is all I can come up with. I am putting Kay in charge fo the twins schedule and their own when I go out for an evening of fun. She will follow through on the schedule that I wright and actually Randy will probably reinforce that she stay on task.

We may be the parents but more importantly we are a family, all working together to make our life work.

Stealth to Sloth and back again

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I want to be stealth all the time. I want to have big smiles, full of energy and direction every day till I just drop in the bed at night. This is my ambition my constant drive to find that perfect balance that will allow me to function at this extremely high level all the time. Impossible as it may seem I shine a little brighter inside everyday I hit that high mark and often times feel equally as low when I dip way bellow the line. Today is one of those sloth days. Head in a cloud as ideas and ambitions dance in my head yet no time to focus on making them a reality. Constantly on hyper alert for the next thing the twins will get into. My ears strained to hear the tiniest sound of trouble. Falls are not my biggest worry. It is them finding their way into a bathroom and unloading all the toilet paper, pouring soap on the ground, eating TUMS, sisters beads, crayons, writing on the wall etc. My ears hurt trying to exercise my secret super Mommy powers. My head aches as I battle my desire for a few moments to collect my thoughts with my twins needs for CONSTANT supervision.

Parenting / Potty Training

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I see potty training in stages. Stage 1 is training mommy/daddy to follow a schedule and get them on the potty every 30-45 minutes, track when they have accidents. This helps you to know when and how often they actually go. Then you start putting them on the potty at the times you think they will need to go, still about every 45 minutes. Stage 1 is also about making potty time fun and special with mommy/daddy. We read all our books while sitting on the potty. I reward the boys for just sitting for the whole time I read and they get an extra reward for going. The goal is for them to want to sit. If you take them this often they will go. I also try and let them run around in underwear or nothing at all when ever I can. This helps them but mostly you recognize when they go. Diapers are great but don't help much in potty training. We also have to untrain going in the diaper. I would say do this for a week or two religiously, if going well, keep it up, if not, try again in a month or so.

The other reason to work on stage 1 when they are really little is they haven't really separated themselves from you. Once they get to the: me, mine, and the, I'll do it my way, they often struggle against you in potty training and then you have a behavioral problem on top of potty training.

In this stage I don’t show any disappointment when they go potty on the floor or in their diaper. I use only positive words and encouragement. “Let’s go potty in the potty next time.”

Now stage 2 starts when they actually seem to have made a connection between being wet, what is happening in the potty and your praise. It is at this point that I use both positive and negative reinforcement. Great job when they go in the potty and just verbal encouragement and a little show of disappointment when they have an accident. "Sherman, look at the floor/your pants, they are all wet. Let's try and go next time in the potty. I know you can do it."

Now with Petra she was fully potty training after stage 2.

Now Reye needed another stage, 3. Hopefully you won't need a stage 3. He was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. He had no interest and I didn't really use stage 1, with me consistently putting him on the potty. He wasn't responding to anything I did. He isn't motivated by praise or punishment. He loved Spiderman at the time and we had loads of Spiderman stuff. I had finally had enough one day at a park. He pooped in his pants, told me he needed to go potty where he dumped it on the floor, pulled up is dirty pants and came out. I was so motivated in my moment of clarity. All of his Spiderman stuff went in jail (laundry basket). I made him collect everything from toys, to shoes, plates, etc. He was horrified. I told him he could have one thing back if he went potty and everything back if he went a whole day.

He was potty trained in TWO weeks.

God Momments / RCCC Life Group

Back in March we opened our home to having a "Life Group" every Wednesday night from 7 - 9 pm. We are beginning to wonder if this is really a good season for us to do this. Only one couple has come to-date and someone has been sick almost every week. I so desperately want to help others unleash their passions, desires, and discipline for God.

I will be facilitating a discussion based off of Sean Azzaro's sermon, RCCC, where I attend church. Anyone is welcome. You don't need to attend our church or even be a Christian. The discussion will be open to all. I posted this for our Playgroup as a primary focus will be our children. I will have actives for older children and babies will be in with us during our discussion. My living room is set-up where the babies/toddlers can play freely. Also at the beginning of our discussion all the families (parents/children) will sing a few easy songs together. My desire is for this to be a special time of worship with our kids as children are so often separated from their parents at Church. My desire is to to have meaningful discussion to assist families in applying God's word to their daily lives, marriages and parenting. I am hoping that if enough people are interested Lisa will be able to put this on the calendar.