Here in my head, my love for you. All ablaze. I loved them all before they were born. Only to find that love doubles each day. Each look into their eyes. I long for time from my children each day. Wishing the house work would all go away so we could just laugh and play. Yet even the chores are better when we can be together. Singing our chore songs. Watching Petra dance her dance, it makes us all laugh. What amazes me the most is how my love is never wavered no matter what they do. Disobey, aggravate me to my boiling point matters not to the love I have for them. They really do feel like bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I am sure I would bleed when they have wounds of the heart. Will this kind of love for them really last a life time? Will I never wish for a moment that I wasn't a mom. It really is an unbelievable kind of love. For no one else do I have this kind of sacrificial love. My parents, my friends, boyfriends and now my husbands have all been the recipient of my conditional love. My love that ebbs and flows for a mired of reasons. Sometimes willing myself to love again, praying, longing for that perfect love that only seems to be for my children. The love I have for my children has no walls nor do I ever feel trapped. It is never put on. It just flows fresh and true. God's word says that the two will become one flesh. Why then do I still not see my husband as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh? I so long for that kind of love for him. He is a wonderful, gracious man yet what upsets him only seems to aggravate me. I want to see through his eyes, walk in his shoes and be one in spirit so we can move and be as one. All I know is the longing I use to have for him when we were 1st married. Love struck, anticipating when we would be together again. Is it the lack of anticipation? We now live and work together all the time. We have no separation beyond the walls inside our house and the harshness of our voices that says we are busy. I stand believing that God will give me the desire of my heart. A heart that burns with an unconditional love for my husband.
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