Day to Day/Inspiration

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Loving life today. Listening to my favorite music on the computer. The kids are coloring in the kitchen. I just finished doing my 5 job searches for unemployment benefits. Yes, life is good. The crayon on the table is no problem. I know how to get that off. Sheets are being washed, diapers have been changed and we are a happy house.

Been thinking of a few different things. The great relational times built at the changing table. How my oldest is growing up. Passion will be the glue that holds my marriage together.

As much as I hate the smell and wiggle legs while changing my boys I must say that I love diaper time. Some of the best smiles and hugs are given at the changing table. I sing to them. I tell them that they have a yummy belly and that I must eat them up. They just light up. I can get nose to nose with them and Eskimo kiss.

Kay is growing up into a lady in every way. I spoke with a friend the other day that was struggling with her daughter that didn't want to spend time because mom had taken away privileges. Her daughter was only one year older than mine. I see Kay tear up when she get's in trouble. Struggling to work hard on her chores. I have always wondered when her sadness would be turned towards us as parents. She has never said anything hurtful towards me. I had a thought of building a special locked box for her to keep a journal in. She could have all her supplies and I could leave love notes through a mail slot. I was surprised when I talked to her last night to hear that she already needs a place to write her hurt and angry feelings. The best part was telling her that she will never get in trouble for her feelings. My desire is to teach her how to deal with them in a healthy way. Not exploding with them. Not repressing them but surrendering them to God and asking the Father what she needs to learn an do with them. It was a great talk. I told her that hurt between the ones we love will happen but it can also be the glue that holds us together if we find healing and wholeness after we have been hurt. I am so excited to see the results of helping my children to have a full range of emotions expressed on purpose.

The best for last. The key to a great marriage I believe is passion. To be honest I'm still working on it. I had really thought that communication and submission was the key. That flirtation, being cherished, making eyes at each other was a thing for single/newlyweds. He made the catch and now we were just available to each other. Well I'm not buying that any more. I am eager for my man to continue to chase me for the rest of our lives. I am eager to learn how he wants me to flirt with him. We are so different. Why do I think this is the key? Well it hit me. I was in a legalistic relationship with Christ for 12 years before I entered into one of unconditional love. Wow. The difference it made. It is no longer fear of displeasing him that keeps me on the road of Christ but an undying, passionate love for the savior. When your eyes are full of love, admiration for the Lord the desire to make him happy will follow. I think this can apply in a marriage. When love is blind the little things won't offend. And believe me the bedroom will definitely see a few more happy faces. Why on earth would us women just go along for the ride without fighting for that passionate love to be a constant. If we let this dye, like I had for a time, other areas will be soon to follow. Find that yearning you had for your husband and keep it alive. If I wanted to grow old with a friend I would have married a girl.

Unconditional Love

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Here in my head, my love for you. All ablaze. I loved them all before they were born. Only to find that love doubles each day. Each look into their eyes. I long for time from my children each day. Wishing the house work would all go away so we could just laugh and play. Yet even the chores are better when we can be together. Singing our chore songs. Watching Petra dance her dance, it makes us all laugh. What amazes me the most is how my love is never wavered no matter what they do. Disobey, aggravate me to my boiling point matters not to the love I have for them. They really do feel like bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I am sure I would bleed when they have wounds of the heart. Will this kind of love for them really last a life time? Will I never wish for a moment that I wasn't a mom. It really is an unbelievable kind of love. For no one else do I have this kind of sacrificial love. My parents, my friends, boyfriends and now my husbands have all been the recipient of my conditional love. My love that ebbs and flows for a mired of reasons. Sometimes willing myself to love again, praying, longing for that perfect love that only seems to be for my children. The love I have for my children has no walls nor do I ever feel trapped. It is never put on. It just flows fresh and true. God's word says that the two will become one flesh. Why then do I still not see my husband as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh? I so long for that kind of love for him. He is a wonderful, gracious man yet what upsets him only seems to aggravate me. I want to see through his eyes, walk in his shoes and be one in spirit so we can move and be as one. All I know is the longing I use to have for him when we were 1st married. Love struck, anticipating when we would be together again. Is it the lack of anticipation? We now live and work together all the time. We have no separation beyond the walls inside our house and the harshness of our voices that says we are busy. I stand believing that God will give me the desire of my heart. A heart that burns with an unconditional love for my husband.

Challenges / Interupted Sleep is What I see

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Expectations what do I do with them? Mad, mad they make me when they are not met.
My love, my love, he loves me so, and when off to bed he comes he wants to to talk and feel my warmth on these cold nights. Is this to much to ask? His dear wife lay in his bed and he wants to talk with her with a fondness of heart. Asleep she lay up in his bed for two hours plus. But it is so cold and the words of his heart are all but out. So as to not show the angry fire welling up in my soul these fond words fall upon a deaf ear. Sleep, sleep please come back, do not leave me here in my furry. Every ache of my body is larger than the last. My head, my head pounding forever more. Finally sleep has taken me back an hour plus latter but not so deep this time and never to be. Every rustle of the blankets, every pain of my flesh awakens me again. Toss and turn between moments of rest. Cries I hear outside my door. Yes up once more for a babe. Down again for a few hours more. Tossing and turning once again. Awake now I am, tires, angry, sad and disappoint for the lack of sleep that beseeched me. The words of his kind mouth have yet again brought my sleeping house of cards down around me. It was but one innocent pulling of a card that has brought this aggravation upon my head but furry flames fast in my heart. Full restraint upon my lips for fear of what would ensue. Tell him I must but how? My heart must be tender to his intent. My words must be full of grace for harm was not his desire. He did not come to bed with a knife in hand yet a rose instead. Prick me none the less it did. Is it to much for me to ask for my love to stand watch over my sleep? Too much, too much I say to expect such as this. Submit to the love that he brings as a gift to the. Timing not right, as he often comes in the night, but a gift none the less it be.

Poem / I will be Heard!.. but I'm not listening.

Image by Έλενα Λαγαρία via Flickr

Out of the window of my souls speaks.

Painful loud words spoken in my face by an angry man.

Turn away, closed down, hidden from this rage.

Nothing working to tame this bull.

Words spoken in hast only escalate.

Back peddle, get present.

The bull was loud, scary and confining, but not dangerous.

A dream of crazy things this must be.

Hash it out, lay it on the table, in a kinder calmer way.

Yes I am awake, I hear your.

Sorry spoken from the heart.

Hugs full of forgiveness.

The heart and mind will forget.

The lesson is left.

Leave not when my heart has yet to be heard.

When our Minds don't Meet

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How to find solutions when our minds don't meet. I respect that my husband and I don't see the same set of priorities and that this makes us a good team. He has delegated most of the daily responsibilites to me and this works well. The problem occurs when I am given time to myself but I don't get to leave me behind to do all that I do. Since we don't see things the same often some of the most basic needs of the babies or the house or not met in my absence; chips for lunch, diapers not changed, bed time not honored, dishes not done, messes not cleaned up, etc. If I have learned anything in 10 years of marriage it is to only expect what I have already see him do repeatedly. My husband is not a schedule, routine kind of person. I can usually work around this by managing everything that needs routine, dinner, dishes, homework, diapers, etc. He gets to pop in and do one of these chores of mine but never with it being expected.

I don't like my solution but for now it is all I can come up with. I am putting Kay in charge fo the twins schedule and their own when I go out for an evening of fun. She will follow through on the schedule that I wright and actually Randy will probably reinforce that she stay on task.

We may be the parents but more importantly we are a family, all working together to make our life work.

Marriage / Happy Wife for Life

Should our men step up and help lighten our load when they aren't working 40 hours a week? This may seem reasonable but I say just keep on with your job as a SAHM regardless of if he is busy working or not. Stability and happiness is found more in knowing what I can expect from myself and others. I find the best way to get my husband involved is to give him control, and respect him when he delegates those responsibilities to me. It is all about communicating at the right time.

When the hubby is around the house more than usually everyone has their own ideas about how the time will be spent. When Randy has had more time during different season's I thought we would have wonderful family time, but in actuality when he wasn't working, and looking for work, it took allot out of him mentally. He would never say it but when a man isn't providing like he wants to I think it is hard for them to relax and enjoy the family.

At dinner I would casually ask my husband what the game plan was the for next day. If I knew I would have a hectic day I would ask if he would help me out. Key point here is that I if he said "NO" I wouldn't let it upset me. If he said "maybe" I would fill him in on what I had going and ask him if he was interested in helping with anything that I had going or if he had any suggesting for handling my day. I have to remember that my husband is NOT one of my kids. He deserves to be apart of the decision making process rather than just being told what I need done.

I plan to be happily married till the day I die and the only way I am going to get their is if I make a choice to live peacefully with my mate. I feel sad when I see the number of couples that are struggling or not making it.

Do I have the perfect marriage? Yes

Does my husband sweep me off my feet? Yes

How can that be? In my heart and soul I choose to look for how we can be God's perfect mate for each other and how I can deliberately love him. It is through this lenses that my marriage is perfect.

Healthy Habits / Outside the Lines

A Life I love to live in side of me all mine for me to know and for you to wait and see. Compartmentalized, safe in my own spaces is where I have found comfort to be. My lines, my walls are not needed to protect me. I thought I was together, I thought I was done but no. Another layer of my soul is yet to be defined. A glorious unfolding of me is yet to be.

God Momments / RCCC Life Group

Back in March we opened our home to having a "Life Group" every Wednesday night from 7 - 9 pm. We are beginning to wonder if this is really a good season for us to do this. Only one couple has come to-date and someone has been sick almost every week. I so desperately want to help others unleash their passions, desires, and discipline for God.

I will be facilitating a discussion based off of Sean Azzaro's sermon, RCCC, where I attend church. Anyone is welcome. You don't need to attend our church or even be a Christian. The discussion will be open to all. I posted this for our Playgroup as a primary focus will be our children. I will have actives for older children and babies will be in with us during our discussion. My living room is set-up where the babies/toddlers can play freely. Also at the beginning of our discussion all the families (parents/children) will sing a few easy songs together. My desire is for this to be a special time of worship with our kids as children are so often separated from their parents at Church. My desire is to to have meaningful discussion to assist families in applying God's word to their daily lives, marriages and parenting. I am hoping that if enough people are interested Lisa will be able to put this on the calendar.

Healthy Habits / Blessed Wife

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I was reading from this WEB site for a little daily devotional…

The Word of God tells us that ALL women want to "wear the pants" in the family! All of us want to be in control!

Genesis 3:16 tells us of the consequences of the fall of man. It tells us that because the woman usurped her authority that she would "want to control her husband, but he will dominate you.”

So the truth is that we, as women, are ALL controllers...It is the a part of "the curse"!
So if it is a part of who we are--what can we do about it?

http://www.internetcafedevotions.com

This is right on... I hadn't really thought of it as part of the curse in quite some time. God had convicted me in this area about 4 years ago and it has been life changing. Here are a few nuggets that I learned:

1) My children will learn how to rebel against authority by the way I rebel against my husbands. Ouch.

2) If I want my husband to grow in God in the big things I must trust him in the small things. Examples (dressing the baby, not 2nd guessing how he parents, etc.) Mathew 25: 14-30 Parable of the Talents

3)My plan may be better but my husbands plan will be blessed. I'll take the blessing. Example (mud in your eye to cure blindness) Anyone know the address to this story?

4) I was made to birth his dreams. I had to ask myself if I even knew what his dreams were. I was a dream masher as his dreams weren't practical. Who ever had a practical dream.

5) I was made to be his helpmate not the other way around. Remember ladies this is earned. He is not going to trust you with his heart till you have proved yourself in the small things. Example (Can you get me a drink, make me a sandwich, come to bed, etc.) If we say do it yourself these small things why would he ask us to carry his heart, team with him is ministry, etc.

That's all my nuggets for now.