Hobbies

My highest passion is dancing. All kinds, ballroom, swing, folk, if the music is playing I'm moving. Dancing to me is like painting. I become fluid with the music or my partner as we move around the floor.

I also paint and of course write. About 12 yrs ago I learned to paint from my heart. I just start with the color and let the picture take shape. It isn't about what it looks like but what it says to me about me.

I like to hike in the cool crisp air. I use to have two dogs and we would run free through the tress and into the water. Oh how they loved me. I miss them.

Poem / Dirty Face

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Private thoughts, private thoughts have been swimming all around. Upon the pages of my other blog. Praise God for stuggle is not the end but the beginning of greatness. A face full of dirt i may have but soon flowers will bloom.

ASL Shame Reclaimed

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I am just so excited about how God spoke to me tonight through an old, old friend and then at tonight's prayer meeting at church. I just couldn't understand why I was feeling such shame over the way I thougth I was looked at by friends I haven't seen or heard from in 25 years. It finally dawned on me. I came to know Jesus as my Savior on my trip to Spain just before moving to the states. My days at ASL were full of great exploits. Amazing trips. Incredible passions but the pain of broken relationships, hurtful words spoken riped me like a knife because during that whole time I had no one to go to on those dark days. When I was lonely I grew cold and hard inside for I had nothing but myself to draw from.

What joy, what peace for this was not the end of my story. It was just the drawing of my heart to an ever present living God. How perfect for I was given so much during that grand season. Travel, money to spend, entertainment, friends and lovers but they all left my heart wanting and lonely when the high of the event was over. Three years of carousing, drinking and playing all came under a new light in Spain. I was free from needing to fit in. For their I found my one true love that has never left my side. Jesus. I am so thankful for this reminder of how and why I reached my hand out to God and never looked back. Oh to relieve those days with the love of Jesus in my heart. What a blessing that would have been.

Does this mean I wouldn't have kissed, drank or ran the streets of London with my friends? I think not. I believe I would have made a few better choices but I still would have been a women of great passion. I still would have loved those around me. The difference would lye in what to do with my tears at the end of the day. It would have given me the strength to see past the steely eyes of those that hated me. I would see the wounding of their hearts, felt compassion where once was hatred. Vindication would no longer be in my heart for the Father would have wiped their sin from my heart. I would have had the freedom to be who God has created me to be without fear of judgement by others. Praise God for that is the life that I have been living for the past 25 years. Running to God at the end of the hard days, praising him in the victories.

American School in London reunion on FB

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I am having way to much fun tracking down old friends through FB. Probably the most life changing period of my life occurred from 7-9th grade while I lived in London and attended the American School in London.

It all started because I wanted to find my friend Cynthia Harris. She was probably my only friend that stuck by me the whole 3 years. We stayed the night at each others houses often, went out dancing, the Pub, a mission trip to Spain, Paris with school and Ierland with her Mom. I visited her in Georgia when we both moved back to the states in 1985. After that we probably exchanged a few letters and lost touch.

I didn't stay in touch with anyone else but I think of everyone I knew often. This was a magical time in my life.

On the positive side it was my 1st time out of the States. Going to ASL was like going to college. At the time I didn't know that, but looking back it was much like a college experience. The teachers were crazy into their fields using strange teaching methods to keep our attention. We were able to go on amazing trips all over Europe. Never did I imagine that this would be the highlight of my travels for a life time. We had more freedom than we should have but it created an amazing bond with our friends. We were young teens so we either loved each other or hated each other but when we were tight it was great.

Who would have thought that my wild days would have been from 7-9th grade. I drank, I smoked, I kissed all the guys in public and we were free to go as we pleased on the Tube.

I learned a lot of the hard lessons of life during this time as well. I learned to feel out a group of people before assuming what is socially acceptable. I learned how to watch out for strange people. I learned how to drink responsibly, how to navigate a large city, how to make good friends, and most importantly to see my need for a Savior.

ASL was a great time but it wasn't an easy time. I jumped in with both feet chasing the boys and trying to copy what my peers had done in Florida. They were all necking in the corners and being very flirty.

I still to this day feel a lack of closure over the hurt caused by many at ASL. I was quickly labeled a slut for kissing in public. No good friend took me aside and said hay your name is going to go down the tubes if you keep that up. I just had to live it out.

I look back and know that it was all part of God's plan. I have always been a fighter. Wanting to prove that I can do anything. I remember picking up a note written about me saying that I would probably be pregnant by 15 at the rate I was going. I decided then and their that I was no longer going to be that I kind of girl and I wasn't. I never lived it down at ASL but I never had the reputation again. Not only did I not have that reputation but I never even had sex till my wedding night with my 1st husband at the age of 22.

I am so close to being able to stick that one to the girl that was the worst. I am glad she isn't on FB. It would be way to tempting.

I know these struggles led me to Christ but no one should have to find Christ because they have been stripped of their dignity.

Now why am I so happy to be reuniting with these lost friends and reminded of this season of my life. Despite these hardships it was the best part of my life. A little name calling and long stares can't take that way.

Unconditional Love

Image by Matthew Stewart | Photographer via Flickr

Here in my head, my love for you. All ablaze. I loved them all before they were born. Only to find that love doubles each day. Each look into their eyes. I long for time from my children each day. Wishing the house work would all go away so we could just laugh and play. Yet even the chores are better when we can be together. Singing our chore songs. Watching Petra dance her dance, it makes us all laugh. What amazes me the most is how my love is never wavered no matter what they do. Disobey, aggravate me to my boiling point matters not to the love I have for them. They really do feel like bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I am sure I would bleed when they have wounds of the heart. Will this kind of love for them really last a life time? Will I never wish for a moment that I wasn't a mom. It really is an unbelievable kind of love. For no one else do I have this kind of sacrificial love. My parents, my friends, boyfriends and now my husbands have all been the recipient of my conditional love. My love that ebbs and flows for a mired of reasons. Sometimes willing myself to love again, praying, longing for that perfect love that only seems to be for my children. The love I have for my children has no walls nor do I ever feel trapped. It is never put on. It just flows fresh and true. God's word says that the two will become one flesh. Why then do I still not see my husband as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh? I so long for that kind of love for him. He is a wonderful, gracious man yet what upsets him only seems to aggravate me. I want to see through his eyes, walk in his shoes and be one in spirit so we can move and be as one. All I know is the longing I use to have for him when we were 1st married. Love struck, anticipating when we would be together again. Is it the lack of anticipation? We now live and work together all the time. We have no separation beyond the walls inside our house and the harshness of our voices that says we are busy. I stand believing that God will give me the desire of my heart. A heart that burns with an unconditional love for my husband.

Day to Day / Where is Your Heart?

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Our Pastor was preaching on having God 1st in our life. That what we do the most is a reflection of where we are investing and what is most dear to us. at first I leaned over to my husband and said that I guess my 1st priority is laundry and dishes. Further into the message I could see more clearly that my focus is a good one and it is to train up our children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. For in everything I do i have eyes watching me. Some are helping and some are undoing but they are all watching. I have remind myself that training them them happens both on purpose in play, reading, cuddling, teaching, etc. but also when I am not focused on them. How does mom handle the interrupting. That the way I will handle them. I am glad that raising our kids is my mission field above all other mission fields.

White

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The surreal beauty of something crimson white. Why do we so strive for it? Why do we shame ourselves when we can't achieve it. God's love and grace is ours. Hold your head up high and let him wash you white as snow. For we know that no man can do it.

Challenges / Interupted Sleep is What I see

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Expectations what do I do with them? Mad, mad they make me when they are not met.
My love, my love, he loves me so, and when off to bed he comes he wants to to talk and feel my warmth on these cold nights. Is this to much to ask? His dear wife lay in his bed and he wants to talk with her with a fondness of heart. Asleep she lay up in his bed for two hours plus. But it is so cold and the words of his heart are all but out. So as to not show the angry fire welling up in my soul these fond words fall upon a deaf ear. Sleep, sleep please come back, do not leave me here in my furry. Every ache of my body is larger than the last. My head, my head pounding forever more. Finally sleep has taken me back an hour plus latter but not so deep this time and never to be. Every rustle of the blankets, every pain of my flesh awakens me again. Toss and turn between moments of rest. Cries I hear outside my door. Yes up once more for a babe. Down again for a few hours more. Tossing and turning once again. Awake now I am, tires, angry, sad and disappoint for the lack of sleep that beseeched me. The words of his kind mouth have yet again brought my sleeping house of cards down around me. It was but one innocent pulling of a card that has brought this aggravation upon my head but furry flames fast in my heart. Full restraint upon my lips for fear of what would ensue. Tell him I must but how? My heart must be tender to his intent. My words must be full of grace for harm was not his desire. He did not come to bed with a knife in hand yet a rose instead. Prick me none the less it did. Is it to much for me to ask for my love to stand watch over my sleep? Too much, too much I say to expect such as this. Submit to the love that he brings as a gift to the. Timing not right, as he often comes in the night, but a gift none the less it be.

FB Posts

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1) At what age do you encourage your kids to get stuff done yet not require it? Reye wants to do his Scouting stuff when "he feels like it". He loves the meetings but now that he has work to do for the badge, he is not so interested. Do I back off or treate it like homework?
-Stick it to him!
-At his age, I would check with his Den Leader first and see what they plan to do together, then see how much other stuff is required for advancement. Space out the stuff that needs to be done at home so that it can be completed in time for the Blue and Gold ceremony (If you push too hard, he may not want to stick with it).

- ....you'll get a million answers....but in my humble opinion, if Reye really "wants it", he needs the support of mom and dad to "make him" do the work required to earn each level along the way. But if it's not important to mom and dad, it wont be important to Reye and his desire and interest to earn what is needed will eventually die, and so will his involvement in scouts....treat it like homework and he will never be able to tell his friends "my mom and dad didn't really support me"
7 hours ago · Christy Klepetko thanks. This makes sense and was my gut reaction. The trouble is we have to push a little harder now as he got behind during football season.

2) What in your own eyes makes you a good mom/homemaker? Do you meet your own expectations? What do you let slide? What must be done?

-to the homemaker side of that question, two words, Martha. Stewart. lol and no I dont live up to it

-Mom does not equal homemaker ;). I always joke that Andrew would make a better housewife than me (he probably would), but he'd kill the kids, so I stay home!! Things I let slide-- dusting-- what must be done-- those potties have to get cleaned b/c everybody pees on my floor!!!

ME- Martha Stewart, are you crazy? Did she even have kids? I'd be crying every day.
I guess that is our problem neither Randy or I make a good homemaker. I feel like a square peg in a round hole. I agree with the toilets.

-haha, no crazy, but boy can she cook clean sew and be organized, **sigh** i am so far from that though, but hey its inspiring

3) I have a beautiful 9 year old Girl Scout that will begin taking orders for GS cookies January 1st. . . Lemon Chalet Cremes, Trefoils, Do-si-dos, Samoas, Dulce de leche, Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and the new Thank U Berry Munch (Cranberry and white fudge chips). $3.50 a box with delivery in mid Feb. Remember, they freeze well.

4)FB to me is a micro journal that sometimes my community responds to. I have always been bad at recording the bits and peices of my families lives and FB has given me a place for that. I write not to be heard but to be remembered.

God Momments / Gen 16 - 17

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Gen 16 - 17

My flesh is definitely reacting to these passages. Wow, what a turn around, where were you God, how long will you make me wait for my dreams, and what a painful sign for the covenant.

Still seeking for God's inspiration about this message. For as all of God's word is to be alive in me. Then I know he has given me a glimmer of his direction when it ignites something in my heart.

Lord please show me your message from this passage. I want to see more than a Heavenly Father that was late on his promise. I want to see your Majesty and perfect provision. I just want to see you.

One part that is very simple that touched me is the respect between Abram and Sari. Abram didn't demand that he have children through Hagar, nor did he sleep with her on the side. Then when Hagar became ugly to Sari, Abram did not demand that she remain even though Hagar was now his wife. He had given Hagar to Sari as a servant and he let her have charge over her.

A good husbands delegates to his wife and allows her to grow and learn much like a child through trial and error within that authority. Abram could have torn her down for her foolish choices but he saw the higher things. Respect, love and trust in his wife as his right hand was more important than perfection.

I am thankful for such a husband as this yet I fear the mistakes I may make, that much like Abram, he will stand behind me while I make. Thank you God for this foresight. For I can see that I must always seek you for council in how I make choices. Mutual submission can lead to mutual sin if left unchecked by the Holy Spirit.

Thank you God for not letting my heart be content with my reaction to the reading. For you did have a great and powerful word for me today. I just had to seek and pray for your revelation.

Embaraced for Asking

Every had a longing in your heart for something and known that the only way it was going to happen is if you asked? I want to be dependant on God for his provision but really I want him to provide it to me, by the work of my own hand. Sure this latest thing I want for my family is nothing lofty, but it has been something that we have cut from the budget this past year.

I hope I can learn all that God has for me to learn in this season. Yet what I really want is to be out of this season. I am not asking to be able to go on a Cruise with my family or to be able to buy a new house. I just want to be able to get my kids hair cuts, buy them a coat, get professional pictures, go to fun places and buy a few extras when I feel like it. I want my budget to include more than just what is needed to live.

On the one hand I want people to know our financial hardship so they can be as amazed as I am at how blessed we are to be able to live on as little as we do. But on the other hand I feel selfish, desiring after a full year to be able to let up a little on strictly saving and only buying what we need.

This is our last family photo and I really want a new one, twins and all.

Genisis 13-14 Family Strife

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Genesis 13 (King James Version)

8And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.

9Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.

Genesis 14 (King James Version)

14And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan.


How awesome is this instruction. Sometimes I think as Christians we feel that we need to take all sorts of troubles at the hands of our family when the Bible clearly shows a way to be separate in love. As they separated in the right time Abram's heart was not hardened and he came full force to his brother's aid in time of need.

I praise God that such a separation is not needed at this time in my family but I am sure that someone needed to hear this message.

I pray that God will reunite all families.

Winter Break

Last day fo the kids break is tomorrow. I am going to miss having everyone around. We have had fun but not nearly enough.

Poem / I will be Heard!.. but I'm not listening.

Image by Έλενα Λαγαρία via Flickr

Out of the window of my souls speaks.

Painful loud words spoken in my face by an angry man.

Turn away, closed down, hidden from this rage.

Nothing working to tame this bull.

Words spoken in hast only escalate.

Back peddle, get present.

The bull was loud, scary and confining, but not dangerous.

A dream of crazy things this must be.

Hash it out, lay it on the table, in a kinder calmer way.

Yes I am awake, I hear your.

Sorry spoken from the heart.

Hugs full of forgiveness.

The heart and mind will forget.

The lesson is left.

Leave not when my heart has yet to be heard.

No Time to...

Image by Brandon Christopher Warren via Flickr

...write, play, walk, smell the fragrace of our children, look in the mirror. What are the things that you are not doing? Why are we in a hurry. Where must we be? What does all this racing say about you and me?

Cooking / Green Enchildas

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My family just polished off two trays of green chicken enchiladas. I made a special lighter sauce for the kids so it wouldn't be so hot. Randy said it was better than going out for Mexican. I love making my family happy with food.

Reye and I had fun making this meal together. I really need to get the kids in the kitchen more. I had a chicken to de-bone and he was funny to watch. To cook you got to get your hands dirty. He was so happy when he could wash his hands. Then he had to oil the trays. Oh my when do I get to wash my hands.

He did like cutting the veggies and pealing the carrots.

When our Minds don't Meet

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How to find solutions when our minds don't meet. I respect that my husband and I don't see the same set of priorities and that this makes us a good team. He has delegated most of the daily responsibilites to me and this works well. The problem occurs when I am given time to myself but I don't get to leave me behind to do all that I do. Since we don't see things the same often some of the most basic needs of the babies or the house or not met in my absence; chips for lunch, diapers not changed, bed time not honored, dishes not done, messes not cleaned up, etc. If I have learned anything in 10 years of marriage it is to only expect what I have already see him do repeatedly. My husband is not a schedule, routine kind of person. I can usually work around this by managing everything that needs routine, dinner, dishes, homework, diapers, etc. He gets to pop in and do one of these chores of mine but never with it being expected.

I don't like my solution but for now it is all I can come up with. I am putting Kay in charge fo the twins schedule and their own when I go out for an evening of fun. She will follow through on the schedule that I wright and actually Randy will probably reinforce that she stay on task.

We may be the parents but more importantly we are a family, all working together to make our life work.

Poem / Love is Agony When Away from Me

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Home alone, in a dark house, with nothing making noise, but the hum of my computer. Can it be, that I am the last one up. All are tucked into bed before I even came home. How great, I say. But great is not what I thought would be. Dishes done, but my heart said prepare for what could be. A mess, children run amuck. Have faith in the man that said go. Have faith in the children you have raised. Cry as they did when I left. Cry as he did when I called. All pining for my affection but all the while saying go, have fun. Isn't that Love? Is not that, what we all live for? One that holds you so dear, that it is agony, at the thought of your parting, even for a mere moment. Yes, this is love, but one that is often demanding at the top of it's lungs, and being shouted from every room. My inner voice has yet to be heard. Even when allowed to go out, I know not what to think, or how to act. My ties to my family are so great, that even while away my heart is being tugged. The laughter I won't hear, the tears I won't kiss away and the talks I won't have. Bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, they are still to me. Apart we never can truly be. At school, at play, at the store, the gym, I might be, but my heart is never far from the.

Tomorrow I will love them deeper than before. Never to be taken for granted. Their smiles will warm my heart a little brighter than the day before, for I had time to miss the you that is every so much apart of me.

FB Post / Designing Stuff

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I really wnat to make a point of writing daily so I am going to put my FB posts here. It will either be an inspiration or my only post.

I need to design a crockpot with a browning function. Why should I have to use two pots for good flavor? Well at least dinner is cooking away. Can't believe lunch is already here.

It is so peaceful since the kids are playing outside. I need to design an outdoor doggie litter box. They have all stepped in poop so am not letting anyone in. He He. I will let them in after I make my grocery list, prepare lunch, and switch out the laundry.