I have posted this with my play group and a twin forumn. Sometimes I feel like the thing si deal with since I have twins make me an outside to the regular moms. An article I read made it sound like my sweet little guys were taking out their pent up anger. I just don't think so. I have seen them angry and they don't do these things when they are angry.
How do I stop my twins from biting hitting and hair pulling?
They have been biting each other since they got teeth in, 8 months old. I have been told that this is common for twins to use each other as a teething ring. They hit but not because they are mad. Sherman smiles and laughs as he pats your face. They pull the hair only of my girls when it is right in their face. They also pull each other's hair in the stroller. Oh it is just so pretty. The only really aggressive behavior I see is when they want a toy from the other twin. They will pull and tug till they get it but they don't hit, bit or hair pull to get what they want.
This is why I haven't done much beyond saying no, redirecting and trying to find the triggers. For example I have minimized the biting by not co-sleeping the twins. they bit each-other when they aren't ready to go to sleep. Last straw was when sweet sleeping Sherman was rudely awakened by being bit by Grant.
They are only 17 months and they were premmies so I don't know how much of this is infant twin behavior. The bottom line is I need it to stop.[/quote
I obviously have no experience with twins, so you have my sympathy on this one, I hope you work through it, but I wanted to share a few funny stories with you. My grandma had twins, my uncles,(and always tells what happened with them lol) and when they were just over a year old and sharing a crib they both took off thier diapers complete with poo and started flinging it at each other monkey style. She had no idea where to even begin cleaning up that mess. She also tells the story about how when they got older, they shared a room, and in thier sleep would have conversations with each other, like they were sharing the same dream. And finally maybe the best story of all that she tells is after they got thier first job, they were grocery baggers, they were so worn out they came home and went right to bed. Well she heard a funny noise so she got up to go check on them and there they were standing up at the foot of thier beds completly asleep, but one was handing the "groceries" to the other who would put them in his "bag". Hope these funny stories give you some hope and refreshment of all the fun things you will get to experience with your two LO :)
ReplyDeleteAfter reading some of the comments on my playgroup forumn I feel like I need to stand up for the importance of boys being boys, and even girls being able to play rough some times.
ReplyDeleteI pulled this from an article:
It is no secret that boys have a reputation for being more physical than girls. While girls also benefit greatly from the more physical kinds of play that fathers contribute, boys revel in it. Boys rough-house much more than girls and this is healthy—boys need that physical outlet for their growth and development.
In fact, according to a March 2003 study published in the Child Study Journal, this kind of physical play is not only important for a boy’s physical development but also for his emotional development. In this study, researchers found a link between physical play and emotional competence among peers for boys, but not for girls. In analyzing the reasons for this, researchers wrote: “Studies examining children's peer play behavior indicate that rough-and-tumble forms of play are more characteristic of boys than of girls, whereas pretend play is more characteristic of girls than of boys. Thus, physical play may be more closely associated with boys' than with girls' emotional competence.”
My question was in regarding to disciplining negative behavior that may or may not come out of rough housing. Some mom's may not agree with me that a little rough play is good but I just thought I should put it out their that this kind of play, plays an important role in our kids development.
I hope that play group is a safe place for our children to learn and observe how different children react. My oldest loves to rough house but he knows that his sisters don't. I plan to teach my kids that all people are different and that what is OK with one kid may not be OK with another.
I'll be honest I am feeling a bit judged for allowing rough housing between my twins. I hope you can understand that it is impractical to not allow it. Your little ones are only around other children their age at a play group, mine are all the time. I have safe places for my children to play independently while I take care of cooking, cleaning, etc. They have to learn how to work things out between the two of them. I come running when someone is screaming but if they are just fighting over a toy I don't break it up.
I asked the Twin Forum if they let their kids fight over toys, etc. They said they let them rough house but not take stuff from each other. This is my reaction:
ReplyDeleteActually it seems to have caused them to share more. One takes both the drinks then turns around and gives one back. We respect the concept of alpha male in animals why not in kids? I have also found that it has caused my more quite boy to stand up for himself and they fight less over stuff. If I stepped in every time they went after the same thing then they wouldn't learn. This way they have to work it out and I am not the fixer of all their problems. My quiter one is coming out of his shell now that he knows he isn't helpless to mom coming in and saving him from his dominate brother.
We also don't believe that anyone in our house has ownership over anything. Everything is everyone's.
I also think that this form of fighting is important because so many kids and adults are afraid of conflict so they never rock the boat in relationships. When these boys can verbalize I will expect them to comunicate their issues. Life and many of the people we meet aren't fair so what better place to learn how to fight fair than at home.
I am glad to have gotten such a difference of opinion regarding rough housing. I had an unsettled feeling after a play date and after reading their response to my post it became clearer what my issue was and firmed up my own beliefs. Sometimes I find that I just have a gut feeling about why I do stuff and it takes a different view to bring my reasoning to the surface.
ReplyDeleteI guess that is why I continue to participate in forums and the playgroup where values, beliefs and spirituality are often so different than mine. I find my true self in this discourse. To share only with those of like beliefs is of little challenge.