Challenges / Menopause

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Life feels good again. I have either been running to get life done or I just haven't been myself. Found out that I am in Menopause. Not sure if my over dose of emotions are because of the news or just part of the package. I have been having cycles every 21 days for about 6 months and I seem to have less and less control over my emotions. I feel like all my thermostats are broken. When I get hot I just get hotter. Mad, madder. Cold, colder. Sad, sadder. Before I could talk myself out of a melt down and now I feel like I am just along for the ride. Church on Sunday. I cried the whole service. I wasn't touched by the message, nor was I sad but boy were the water works flowing. I was embarrassed.

I am so glad to have run into a few ladies that are older than me that are giving me some courage and direction.

The last few days I have been on top of my game. No thoughts or feelings that I don't want. I know I need to make an appointment for the OB and go pick up some herbal help but hate to put a damper on a good day.

I am looking forward to what God is going to teach me in this season and take great encouragement that this will be the last hormonal roller coaster I have to ride. It may be unpredictable now, but I will figure it out, and have peace and direction about how to manage all my symptoms.

Rest or Run

The inner battle of my mind is yet on the go fast and furiously battling my next heart felt goal. If I could only be a stay at home mom. Check. I praise God it is everything I ever wanted.
If I could only have time to myself to exercise, clean, write, have lunch and date my husband. Check.
If I could only loss the weight so I could be healthy. Hmm... Eat right. All that planning, preparation. Can I really do it now? My heart tells me to be patient. Rest in this new place of freedom away from my kids before I launch into another thing that required me to plan and be accountable. On the other hand I want all this exercise to pay off. I want all my goals realized now. Opportunity is knocking at my door. I want it easy. Lord help me do it without the failure and anxiety

Stealth to Sloth and back again

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I want to be stealth all the time. I want to have big smiles, full of energy and direction every day till I just drop in the bed at night. This is my ambition my constant drive to find that perfect balance that will allow me to function at this extremely high level all the time. Impossible as it may seem I shine a little brighter inside everyday I hit that high mark and often times feel equally as low when I dip way bellow the line. Today is one of those sloth days. Head in a cloud as ideas and ambitions dance in my head yet no time to focus on making them a reality. Constantly on hyper alert for the next thing the twins will get into. My ears strained to hear the tiniest sound of trouble. Falls are not my biggest worry. It is them finding their way into a bathroom and unloading all the toilet paper, pouring soap on the ground, eating TUMS, sisters beads, crayons, writing on the wall etc. My ears hurt trying to exercise my secret super Mommy powers. My head aches as I battle my desire for a few moments to collect my thoughts with my twins needs for CONSTANT supervision.

Transition to Toddler Beds

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My twins have reached a new phase called I can escape my bed. They both still need the nap but were just tickled with being able to get out of bed, that they were having way to much fun to sleep. Well today I was the "Back to bed" lady. I sat in the hall and was ready to get them back to bed the second they escaped. They are both in toddler beds now. After 40 minutes all was quite for 2 1/2 hours. My goal is to be on them faster than they can reach the door for the next couple of weeks. I am hoping and praying that if they see mom isn't letting up they will just settle down and sleep.

Marriage / Happy Wife for Life

Should our men step up and help lighten our load when they aren't working 40 hours a week? This may seem reasonable but I say just keep on with your job as a SAHM regardless of if he is busy working or not. Stability and happiness is found more in knowing what I can expect from myself and others. I find the best way to get my husband involved is to give him control, and respect him when he delegates those responsibilities to me. It is all about communicating at the right time.

When the hubby is around the house more than usually everyone has their own ideas about how the time will be spent. When Randy has had more time during different season's I thought we would have wonderful family time, but in actuality when he wasn't working, and looking for work, it took allot out of him mentally. He would never say it but when a man isn't providing like he wants to I think it is hard for them to relax and enjoy the family.

At dinner I would casually ask my husband what the game plan was the for next day. If I knew I would have a hectic day I would ask if he would help me out. Key point here is that I if he said "NO" I wouldn't let it upset me. If he said "maybe" I would fill him in on what I had going and ask him if he was interested in helping with anything that I had going or if he had any suggesting for handling my day. I have to remember that my husband is NOT one of my kids. He deserves to be apart of the decision making process rather than just being told what I need done.

I plan to be happily married till the day I die and the only way I am going to get their is if I make a choice to live peacefully with my mate. I feel sad when I see the number of couples that are struggling or not making it.

Do I have the perfect marriage? Yes

Does my husband sweep me off my feet? Yes

How can that be? In my heart and soul I choose to look for how we can be God's perfect mate for each other and how I can deliberately love him. It is through this lenses that my marriage is perfect.

Day to Day / Cosy

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Sipping my coffee by the computer just feeling all warm and cosy today. We walked this morning and the air was crisp, clean and cool. Now we are home and I just want to settle into the couch with a good book and snuggle with my favorite little guys.

Duty is calling me as this is wash day. I also have a yearning to clear out our overflowing house. Toys, strollers and clothes are bursting at the seams. On top of that I did a big clear out not to long ago and have yet to reorganize the now open spaces. Odds and ends have drifted to fill the space but not to my liking.

I am debating on getting rid of my smaller clothes that are taking up space in my garage. I think I should wait. I am working on losing weight for the 1st time in a long time.

I would really like to find a helper with the clear out. This is definitely not something my hubby and I do together. I am good to get the OK from my sweet pack rat to let the stuff go. If he did it with me I am sure we wouldn't have but a bag for the Salvation Army.

Healthy Habits / Contra Dancing

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Back to one of my 1st loves... Contra Dancing. The best part was sharing with my girls. All three of us went dancing and Kay danced the whole time. She either asked someone or she was asked. Petra did a great job watching and the Contra Dancers were so gracious to help her through a dance or two. She was even asked to Waltz. I was so glad to have enough energy to dance most of the night. Many of the faces were the same and it had been few years since I had gone.

Lightfoot Challenge / 32 Days

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I hope I can blame my weight gain on the weather. Sounds crazy but every part of my body is swelling like I was a sponge holding water. It is raining outside but you would think I had been sitting out in it soaking it up like the ground.

I am not even going to post my weight. What a set back. I have been doing everything I should and I gain a pound.

On a positive note I feel great about the exercise plan that I have put in place. Up until now I have always tried to fit exercise in around my kids and chores. This meant that it was the 1st thing I took off the list when life was demanding and with 5 kids that is all the time. Now I can get exercise and give to my kids. I always feel good about me as the mommy when I take them for a walk. I am really loving the band exercises at the park.

So, regardless of if I ever drop a pound I will keep up the exercise. I feel better and I have more energy.

Now eating right. That is a sore spot. Sometimes I find myself just hilarious. I was mad when I hit the scale this morning so who do I take it out on, myself. I had a hot chocolate just to stick it to the scale. Then to top it off I ate half a large pizza. That will show my scale whose boss.

Where does that dumb logic come into play? Oh well tomorrow is another day.

Lightfoot Challenge / 27 Days

Total aggravation. 3 pounds in almost 4 weeks. That's less than a pound a week. I am not going to say I have been eating great but I have been mostly within Spark Peoples calorie count. I have walked most days but only a few of those a week have been really what I need to put in. I actually went way down to 188 on day 2 and then right back up a few days later. I was doing a lot outside in 100 degree weather so I think I just lost water.

I guess I should be happy that I have lost at all. I am still trying to find a plan between feed and cooking for a family, having the twins with me at all times, and taking the kids to activities. The weather is cooling so I am looking forward to more outdoor activity.

I would like to find an exercise routine I can have on an MP3 player that I can do once I am at the playground. I don't care what other people think but I just need a plan. I could carry some weights and an exercise band.

Beginning Weight: 194
Today's Weight: 191

Lightoot Challenge / 26 Days

On a positive note I have lost 4 pounds but when I look in the mirror or see myself in a photo I just don't even want to look. If I don't see myself I still think of myself as that cute, sexy women that I use to be. I use to love to be in pictures and I am determined to look good in them again. We made a photo book of Kay's 1st year and I was looking so good. Kay didn't even recognize me in one of the shots. She said I looked like a kid. A friend of mine that weighed a bit more than me at her largest has lost 33 pounds. I have never lost that much. I so want it but of course I want it now, yesterday.

Sweet Pea Momments / Petra's Party

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Challenges / Connie is Amazing

I have been receiving bills for Sherman's stay at the NICU for over a 1 1/2 years. I haven't paid because my insurance was suppose to cover at 100%. I have been so frustrated because I call the vendor and they don't help I call the insurance and they don't help... until today. Connie asked for the number of the vendor and we had a conference call. she really gave it to them on my behalf. The man on the other end just stuttered and said he would get back to us. Connie even called me back after the call was over to say that she thought the guy knew he was in the wrong. Wow. what service. i have asked for a conference call and they wouldn't do it in the past. I told Connie I wanted to send her a box of chocolates. She said she was just doing her job but I could tell her boss, and that I did.

Sweet Pea Momments / Stay Focused

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I really hope that Reye can keep his focus on in football. He so wants to go to Scouts and I really want it for him. Well scouts and football are on the same night and he is constainly day dreaming during practice. I thought I had just the thing to motivate him. He had to give it his all at football on Tuesday and Wednesday so he could miss football on Thursday. The couch was to tell us on a scale of 1-10 of how he did. Sadly to say he got a big 5 yesterday. How do I motivate my sweet little dreamer to stay focused in the things he actually likes?

God Momments / Seeing Me

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In church this morning we were talking about the importance of hanging out with people that aren't christians. Some folks are afraid that they will be tempted into sin if they hang out with non-chriatians but I actually have found that my sinful behaviors as a young person actually increased when I chose to only hang with other christians. This may seem strange but what happens in my life is christains seem to show compasion for your sinful ways and sometimes they join right in. When I hang out with people that don't hold my same beliefs I have found that they openly question me if I am acting in a way that hipocritical. The best part is their is no hiden agenda just an honest desire to know. I remember one time when I was in college I went to a bar and was hitting on some guy and he said that he didn't think I belonged in a place like this. God was watching out for me. Our conversation turned into one all about God. Not my plan but I am sure it was God's.

Parenting / Potty Training

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I see potty training in stages. Stage 1 is training mommy/daddy to follow a schedule and get them on the potty every 30-45 minutes, track when they have accidents. This helps you to know when and how often they actually go. Then you start putting them on the potty at the times you think they will need to go, still about every 45 minutes. Stage 1 is also about making potty time fun and special with mommy/daddy. We read all our books while sitting on the potty. I reward the boys for just sitting for the whole time I read and they get an extra reward for going. The goal is for them to want to sit. If you take them this often they will go. I also try and let them run around in underwear or nothing at all when ever I can. This helps them but mostly you recognize when they go. Diapers are great but don't help much in potty training. We also have to untrain going in the diaper. I would say do this for a week or two religiously, if going well, keep it up, if not, try again in a month or so.

The other reason to work on stage 1 when they are really little is they haven't really separated themselves from you. Once they get to the: me, mine, and the, I'll do it my way, they often struggle against you in potty training and then you have a behavioral problem on top of potty training.

In this stage I don’t show any disappointment when they go potty on the floor or in their diaper. I use only positive words and encouragement. “Let’s go potty in the potty next time.”

Now stage 2 starts when they actually seem to have made a connection between being wet, what is happening in the potty and your praise. It is at this point that I use both positive and negative reinforcement. Great job when they go in the potty and just verbal encouragement and a little show of disappointment when they have an accident. "Sherman, look at the floor/your pants, they are all wet. Let's try and go next time in the potty. I know you can do it."

Now with Petra she was fully potty training after stage 2.

Now Reye needed another stage, 3. Hopefully you won't need a stage 3. He was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. He had no interest and I didn't really use stage 1, with me consistently putting him on the potty. He wasn't responding to anything I did. He isn't motivated by praise or punishment. He loved Spiderman at the time and we had loads of Spiderman stuff. I had finally had enough one day at a park. He pooped in his pants, told me he needed to go potty where he dumped it on the floor, pulled up is dirty pants and came out. I was so motivated in my moment of clarity. All of his Spiderman stuff went in jail (laundry basket). I made him collect everything from toys, to shoes, plates, etc. He was horrified. I told him he could have one thing back if he went potty and everything back if he went a whole day.

He was potty trained in TWO weeks.

Sweet Pea Momments / Potty Time

Make a Smilebox greeting

Sweet Pea Momments / 1st Day of School

The Kids had a great day. Everyone was up and ready on time. We all walked to school together and Kay and Reye went off to breakfast while I looked into who would be putting Petra on her shuttle bus to Ed Franz. So often times I don't take pictures and I was so excited that things were going smooth enough for me to take some good shots. After I got Petra on the bus the twins and I went hope to drive over to Ed Franz to join Petra for Breakfast. Why wouldn't I just drive her? Well I want to get her trained to be able to go on the bus by herself. Eventually Kay and Reye will be walking with her to school without me.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Day to Day / No Time to Write

I have 10 minutes before I need to be out the door for football. This has been the story of my life. Everything is so scheduled that I just don't have minute to collect my thoughts and write. I can't believe that it has been so long since I posted last. I have had some ideas but no time. I hope to write about the 1st day of school, and better yet the 2nd.

Life is good. 5 minutes, babies need a diaper change, the table needs clearing and I am sure Reye can't find something.

Sweet Pea Momments / Sprinklers

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What a joy to see the smiles and inhibition on my children's faces while they ran through the sprinklers on the baseball field. Reye had just finished football practice and he was having a blast cooling down on the field. Kay was a bit more cautious and Petra stayed only in range of the mist.

Day to Day / Cleaning

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How do you clean your Shower? I am embarrassed to say I don't really know how. I have had someone else doing it for the past 100 years. At one point I had a sprayer for my shower head and I would wipe everything down and then hose it with the shower head. Well I can do that with what we have now so I just through a bucket of water and get very wet myself. I even take my mop into the stall for the floor. I am sure that this isn't the way it is suppose to be done, but oh well.

Now why I am rambling on about my shower? Well even though I am a SAHM and am trying to pinch every penny I just HATE house work, and how much time it take me away from the kids, so I gave in and am back to having a cleaning lady. The last two times she was to show, today included, she canceled last minute. Now this is a total aggravation at my house because we spend at least two hours getting ready for the cleaning lady. We pick up EVERY toy. Even those under the beds, and in the play room and we wash and dry all the bedding.

It just isn't worth it to not at least vacuum after doing all the prep work. So today I decided I was going to do a better job than the cleaning lady and get it all done today. Well we did it. The kids helped out a bunch.

Kay was under the kitchen table washing the legs and the sides. She found a mountain of chocolate.

Reye washed the food off the walls in the eating area. He was hilarious. "I can't believe all the food on the wall mom. Does the cleaning lady really do all of this?"

Petra washed baseboards.

And I sat and watched TV, ha, ha. I am pooped but happy in my clean, triple mopped floors.

Day to Day / Up at 5:30 AM

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Today is going great. We are gearing up for school by getting up, dressed and fed as if everyone was going off to school. I had the house picked up and we were off to the park by 8:15. Even had Randy's tea brewing. We played and just got home at 10:00. Ran into some home school mom's. One lady had 12 children and she looked my age. Wow. My back hurts just thinking about it.

Sweet Pea Momments / Failed Penny Experiment

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While my kids were doing dishes I overheard them trying to get a penny out of the garbage disposal.

Don't worry it was off.

I didn't think anything of it. Accidents happen. It was probably on the counter and just slipped in. Right? Just to be sure I asked how the penny got in the disposal. Reye wanted to test out whether or not the penny was heavy enough to just sit in the sink and not be pushed down the drain by the water. He thought the water would just go around the penny. When the experiment failed he tried really hard to retreave the penny before it went down the train.

Well it not only went down but it wedged itself under something and jammed the disposal for 24 hours. I told Reye he could help pay for a new one if he ended up breaking it. I got it out today and I think I am going to tape it to his forhead and let him go to church like that.

Day to Day / Flip Over Flops

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On a whim I looked up a free activity in OurKids Magazine and boy was it a flop. It was a "free" event yet everything cost accept for the music and the bouncy house. It was farther away than I thought, 20 miles, so when we were done in 20 minutes and everyone's faces were looking rather glumly Mom needed to think fast. I told them that happiness was a choice. I told them to remember that it is better for us to have gotten out of the house risking that this event could be a flop than for mom to never risk disappointment. I told them that Mom would come up with something but they had to find their joyful faces.

Praise God for my GPS. I searched for Parks and their was an amazing one that we had never been to just 2 miles away. It was a great night, not because we did something amazing but because we choose to make what we did amazing.

Choose this day to have an amazing day what ever you do, where ever you go and make it amazing for someone else.

Writings of Old / Blessed Wife

I just posted something I wrote about being a fullfilled blessed wife that I wrote 12/8/2008.

Day to Day / Schools a Starting

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We are gearing up for school to start. I have made a schedule with all our weekly activites once school starts. We will be running this year. We are starting the 5:45 wake-up time next week and following our schedule so that when school actually starts on the 24th my kids will be adjusted. I am probably going to be the worst of the lot trying to get up. The plan is to have everyone dressed and ready by 6:45.

Petra will be going to Pre-K. She will walk with Kay and Reye and catch a bus at 7:00 AM over to her school and they will drop her off at our house at 10:45 AM.

If I am going to get some exercise before the heat and actually get something out of my time without Petra I had better get cracking before the sun comes up. I can always nap when the twin nap.

House Rules / Cell Phones

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I am gearing up to be the most uncool parent on the block. Kay age 8 is already asking when she will get a cell phone. We decide that when she is of age to go places without adult supervision she will probably get a phone but here's the kicker. No games, no texting and the phone will only be able to call/recieve the numbers we program.

I don't want my kids being distracted from life with a phone.

Lightfoot Challenge / Day 1

My brother has challenged me to loss some weight. The one who losses the most before we see each other again wins. This give us about 10 months. We are going off % lost.

Today's Weight: 194

Day to Day / Smooth Sailing

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Today has been a wonderful day. Started out with smoothies and homemade bread.

We had a great discussion at church. I really was taken with the concept that David is a man after God's own heart. I have always seen him as a great guy that is real with God about his shortcomings. The turning point for me as a leader is that I have never seen his weaknesses as a sign that he shouldn't lead or that he is a hypocrite. I have often felt that way about myself, over shortcomings in myself, that after loads of prayers, have yet to change, to my satisfaction. I am not prefect but I am certainly on my face before God seeking and praying to be more like him. Praise God that is all he asks of us.

After church the kids really came through and helped with the chores. I had been letting it go this past week. It is amazing how much more you can get done when motivated and in the right frame of mind. We were laughing, dancing in the kitchen and just having a great time.

The babies have slept almost all day it seems like. The older kids and I even got to play a game.

Tonight is date night and I have dinner in the oven along with desert all made for the kids.

Have to really enjoy a day like today it might night come again for another month.

Sweet Pea Momments / Ruff Ruffman

The older three and I went to the Children's Museum for a special day with Ruff Ruffman. The kids all really like this show and so do I. It is a neat show of problem solving and working together. We even used one of the projects on PBS kids for Kay's student lead girl scout meeting last year.

They had a few new exhits that were a lot of fun. The twins would have loved it but it was so nice to not have to try and chase after both of them while still keeping one eye on everyone else. The membership is only $55.00 and I would really like to go I just don't know if we will have time between school, housework, scouts, soccer, dance and football. Wow. It is going to be a busy year.

Sweet Pea Momments / Naked Tears

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I had a great chance to teach my oldest about managing her emotions. I have spent most of my life feeling trapped by the tears that want to fall every time i need to talk about something that is challenging, frustrating, makes me sad, or gives me pain. This has left me quiet when I needed to speak or feeling humiliated or embarrassed when the tears start of fall.

Randy wanted to watch a movie with me before their bedtime and the kids were not paying much attention to him till he barked out that they need to get out of the living room and go to their rooms. Kay in her surprise began to cry. Randy followed up with a rather hash conversation about how he didn't want her to cry when he told her to do something.

At 1st my sympathetic heart went out to Kay but after talking to Randy I realized that this was the time to teach her how to choose when and with whom she would let her deep emotions be shared.

It was awesome. I really hope she can internalize this concept. Don't bottle up your emotions just make a choice as to who and when you are going to share them. If you let your emotions out as soon as you feel them then you are not in control and they will end up controlling you. Our heart felt emotions should be shared on purpose after prayer and only with those that we can show the nakedness of our heart. Keeping your nakedness private made sense to her and now that she can see it in light of her emotions I pray that she will make some better stronger choices.

I also see letting your emotions out without a plan is similar to starting a boat getting it going full tilt among many boaters and then running to the back and covering your head hoping not to crash before you run back to catch the wheel. Exhilarating, freeing, dangerous and possibly deadly.

Day to Day / Football but it's 108

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If you would have asked me before moving to Texas if I liked to be inside I would have said no way. Outdoor girl all the way. I love to hike, walk, swim, smell the roses, camp, etc. If it is outside bring it on...but NOT in weather constantly over 100. I have got to get my attitude in check. I don't complain about it being hot because the kids don't really know any different so what do I is WHINE on the inside and it is damn loud in my head. All that grumbling on the inside tends to leak out.

I am so proud of my son. He is out their working it with a smile. Can't I just get my head around that? Hopefully I will grow up some day.

Sweet Pea Momments / Except our Feet

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My son. What can I say, he likes to point out the obvious. We have a small galley kitchen so it is a rule in our house that toys, shoes, etc. don't belong in my kitchen. We are cleaning up after lunch and I am barking out. "Please get everything off the floor that doesn't belong in my kitchen. Why is their a life vest and a teddy bear in here. Come on, let's go everyone."

My son follows up with "exect our feet." I am sure my eyes rolled back into my head.

He is 7 years old, but how long will it take for him to get this? We talked about how these OBVIOUS statements are a form of mocking me. Big deer in the headlights on that one. How do I get this concept across? He spent a few minutes in his room and I called everyone into the kitchen to explain the concept of not saying what is OBVIOUS. I told them that mommy doesn't have time to fully explain everything. They need to be able to think it through. We had so much fun with this one. I gave the example of trying to get everyone out to the car. Petra has a doll, Reye an action figure and the twins have picked up sticks. I say "I don't want anyone to bring ANYTHING into the car." What do I mean? What are you to leave behind. Everyone got it. Then I said "except my nose," everyone laughed, and "except my shirt." Then Reye got a big smile and said "now I get it." We all then started sharing all those funny exceptions, pants, underwear, socks, hair, arms, legs, etc.

Baby May

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Where is my manual? How do I deal with the incredible grief and pain felt after losing my precious baby of May. After having two other children I never thought once about having a miscarriage. I was only 10 weeks along. Why does this stress me so? My husband wants to move on, my other kids need me. I have so many question, and don't get me started on how insensitive my Dr. was. I here this is so common so why don't women talk about it? One in five pregnancies that is a lot.

If you are like me and need to here another women's story please come see my blog. I don't have any ads.

I lost a baby at 10 weeks back in 2004. I wrote down my experience/healing and have recently placed it on my blog. All my posts are listed under 2004. My hearts desire is to help other women find healing and wholeness and to embrace and celebrate the life that was with them for such a short time.

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