Boundary Setting

1) Write down the name of person you are struggling to establish boundaries with.

2) Write down issues that have caused you to feel your personal boundaries have been crossed.  Pray that the Lord would begin to heal the wounding this has caused.  For your pain and fear will stand in the way of your objectivity.  Pray the Lord give you strength to stand up for yourself.

3) Take that list and re-write it as boundaries you would like to have.  Remember to set small boundaries at 1st.  Ones you are confident that you will be able to follow through with.

4) Write down your action step when the other party does not respect those boundaries.  Be realistic.

5) Write down what you will get back for yourself and for your relationship if these boundaries were to be followed.

6) Tell a friend.  Be ready to adjust your boundaries and action step. 

7) Tell the person you are struggling with that you are sorry that you have not been predictable in how you respond.  That out of love for yourself and your relationship you are going to be working on your yes being yes and your no being no.  Tell them in love how you have let them take advantage of you.  Ask for forgiveness for how you have responded to feeling taken advantage of.  Be specific.  I am sure you have been ugly to them.  Example have you (nagged, guilt, stonewalled, manipulated, etc.) Ask for forgiveness for this.  NO SARCASM. Then tell them what your boundary will be and what your action will be if not respected.  This is not a threat.  This is just a fact.  Then open a conversation on what both of you think you could get back if this boundary is respected.  Don't judge, just listen to their view.  If they can't find anything positive to say empathizes with them that you understand that it will take time for them to adjust to this change.  Then change the subject.  Don't let them drag you down or try an talk you out of your boundary.  This is a great place to interject humor.  "Look at you trying to talk me out of my new convictions,  Ha you almost got me.  Not this time bro."

8)Be prepared for it to get worse before it get's better.  Be prepared to ask for forgiveness from this person every time they try and push you to let your boundaries down.  For example "I can understand why you keep ...  I have allowed this for a long time.  I am sorry I haven't been stronger in the past.  I am sorry that you are having to adjust to a new me.  But this boundary isn't moving nor is my reaction to your request.  Remember, I love you and more importantly I love us.  So again I have to say ..."  Now try and find humor and get off the topic.  A positive diversion is your best tactic at this point.  Remember your MO (nagging, manipulating, yelling, crying) DOES NOT work.

9)After they try and push your boundary go back and read/remind yourself of what you will get if this boundary is finally respected.  For you are just at the beginning of the race and you have a long way to go to get to the finish line.  It is worth it.  You are worth it.  Your relationships are worth it.  Keep pressing in and keep believing that one day you will win that race with your loved one at your side.