God Momments / In the Wind

The debre is lifting the cobwebs are being removed and the clarity of God's word and purpose is being revealed. Oh for shame for the many a days and years that I have not layed in waiting at your feet. What could be better? Where can I go from your presence. Why, oh why Lord have I forsaken my 1st love? Yes I have sought you. prayed, and stood in your presence a time or two every week but only to have it turned off as easily as it was turned on. Let me fear not being so close to hear your voice. Let me know that all that iI am, all that I will ever do and be is to be birthed in the Holy of hollies. Yes Lord, I place my will in your hands to make and mold. I place my mind, emotions and will at your disposable. I have done so little wit the talents you have bestowed on me. To big, to scary to wield on my own yet with you caring them nothing formed against me will prosper.

Furious writing, I have written, in my private blog of a sickeningly hard season of my life. I pray that I can share the bits from the Lord and my healing here in a way that brings hope.

I am immersing myself in direction now. Going to a 12 step Codependency class, marriage counseling, private counseling and soon a women's Bible study. I pray I will be surrounded by a cloud of witnesses that will bring forth God's word into my life.

On Wednesday I went to prayer at church and God impressed on me to pray durng the section on repentance. As I stood at the mike I wondered if I would just cry and meagerly get the words out. Then a boldness began to well within me and as I waited my turn His spirit fell on me. Hands raised in worship as waves of His spirit coursed through me like lakes of living word. Then His words began to pour through me. "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and ever shalt be." Then my turn came and I just repeated God message. The Lord was showing me that we must 1st see and walk into th holy of hollies and be in awe of his Majesty to truly repent. Among the ashes we are not able to see the sharp contract of our sin. It is only in the presence of the true and living God in his purity that we can see to repent.

From that day forward I am committing to spending time with God in the morning. It is more than a committment it is a hunger. I need his joy purpose and peace in my life. I need his power and Majesty upon my head every morning. I have a hard walk ahead of me, "thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for the Lord my God is with me, his word and his staff comfort me." I have always cringed at the "staff" part of that passage. Oh what joy now. It is his law. Not to be hit out of turn by but likened to that of the billy club of the police. That staff reminds me to obey, that staff reminds me of the law and I can stand behind. Knowing that He will use his staff in protection against those that choose to sin against me. The Shepard guides his sheep with his staff and strikes those that preyed upon them. That staff is not their to strike me but the enemies of my soul.

This morning in God Calling I read some powerful words.

"Show us Thy way. O Lord, and let us walk in Thy paths. You are doing so. This is the way. The way of uncertain future and faltering steps. It is My way."

-yes, yes, how powerful is that. uncertainly and faltering is always my diversion from the path.

"Put all fear of the future aside. Know that you will be led. Know that you will be shown. I have promised."

-I am standing on that promise and putting my fears at His feet.


Then I read today's reading from the one year Bible, Isaiah 25 - 28. Wow powerful. These passages struck me.

Isaiah 26:16-19 (New International Version)

16 LORD, they came to you in their distress;
when you disciplined them,
they could barely whisper a prayer. [a]

17 As a woman with child and about to give birth
writhes and cries out in her pain,
so were we in your presence, O LORD.

18 We were with child, we writhed in pain,
but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth;
we have not given birth to people of the world.

19 But your dead will live;
their bodies will rise.
You who dwell in the dust,
wake up and shout for joy.
Your dew is like the dew of the morning;
the earth will give birth to her dead.

- oh to give birth to the wind. The joy of worship when I give birth to the wind. Praise God for the times again and again that he has let me birth His wind. May I never again stop hungering and thirsting after righteousness so I can enter into his presence and birth the wind. Blow down on us Lord.

Isaiah 28:5-9 (New International Version)

5 In that day the LORD Almighty
will be a glorious crown,
a beautiful wreath
for the remnant of his people.

6 He will be a spirit of justice
to him who sits in judgment,
a source of strength
to those who turn back the battle at the gate.

7 And these also stagger from wine
and reel from beer:
Priests and prophets stagger from beer
and are befuddled with wine;
they reel from beer,
they stagger when seeing visions,
they stumble when rendering decisions.

8 All the tables are covered with vomit
and there is not a spot without filth.

9 "Who is it he is trying to teach?
To whom is he explaining his message?
To children weaned from their milk,
to those just taken from the breast?

-What does this mean? I have read it again in the amplified. Lord your direction and insight please.

The Last of God's blessing in this season to share is about my fervor to find employment again. My heart is actually to get into what I had desired from my youth. To help hurting women and children. Working on my resume and seeking God's direction. I called my old employment and my old job is about to open up again in December. The best part is that CHRISTUS has always opened up for me in times of great need. This would be my 3rd time of employment with them if it happens.