God Momments / Sacrifce

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Today at church we were talking about Abraham being called to sacrifice his son. This story brought to my mind the sacrifice felt when caring a child after having had a miscarriage. The loss of baby May happened to me, without warning, I was a victim to it, left to pick up the pieces of my life, changed forever. God gave me much insight during this time and during my subsequent pregnancies.

At church three people shared their similar experiences and it is just waying on my heart just how much I need to get this story out on my blog. My heart and pray is for all women that have lost a baby, walked through a pregnancy not knowing if they would birth a child would feel and know the hand of God. I want them to see what God showed me. Loss will come, tears will fall, pain will be felt, clear to your bones yet joy, peace, love and an awe for life will also be found more deeply than ever known before.

I liken it to the birth of a flower growing under ground before the loss of a baby we only think of the beautiful flower to come from the ground, going out watering, waiting. After the loss of a baby we have been brought in at the ground level. Under ground some times suffocated and intoxicated with the fragrance of life, hoping and praying the weeds don't drown the plant out.

I made it. I have posted my power point presentation "Baby of May". Everything I wrote is under 2004. I put it is reverse order to make the entries easier to read. I couldn't get the clip art to go in but I am sure I will figure that out and add it later.

Sweet Pea Momments / After the Rain

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Everything looks better after the rain. It was cool enough for us to have a quick dinner in the back yard. The twins had already eaten so they were enjoying swinging. Petra told me that swinging is "rocking in the sky". Then she asked me why it was taking so long to get to Christmas. She said she dreams every night about making snowmen. Then we went for a walk and Petra found a red straw and started "poofing" everything. The trees turned into twigs, the car became a bicycle and then Kay found a wand and turned the houses into doll houses. It was a right wonderland by the time we made it around the block full of sugar plum fairies, candy trees and a river flowing with chicken noddle soup.

What a blessing to walk in their world for a few moment's.

Day to Day / I just want to SCREAM!

No real reason. I just feel like it. I feel like a spoiled brat that didn't get her way. I want to go out and play yet mommy said I had to clean my room. We have been running errand and doing paper work this week for prep for school, old disputed medical bills and looking into sinus surgery. I just can't keep up or take on one more thing without the house falling completely apart. I have piles here and their, shoes are up and down the hall, the twins have removed their pants, and yesterday their diapers as well. Reye is in football for two hours everyday till school starts. What a dad. Randy has committed to taking him every day. I just hate being knee deep in diapers, laundry (that is all over the couch in my room), to do lists I can't keep straight, etc. I just thought that I would be playing with my kids rather than just keeping them fed, clothed and out of trouble. I also am frustrated because I want to spend time with my husband. I am happy to be up till midnight yet he is out cold by 10:30. Completely understandable, he get's up at 5:30 but this means I have no time to change gears. The babies don't go down till 10pm or so and they are still crying off an on at 10:30.

Day to Day / Stop, Look and Listen

What do I like about and cherish about parenting? Of course all those sweet times but what is more rewarding is when I come up with some way to explain or teach a concept that is fun and actually seems to grab the kids attention. This is also what I come back to when I think of going back to work. Who else is going to care and take the time to creatively build my child's character by teaching not only what is right and wrong but how to internalize these values.

On the way to the grocery store this morning everyone was rattling off there questions in rapid secession while I was backing out of the drive. Now you have to understand that even opening your mouth while mom is backing out is a no, no. Well no one got what they wanted as a consequence and then I cam up with Stop, Look and Listen. Before they speak they are to stop thinking about themselves, Look at what Mommy is doing and Listen for if it is a good time to ask. Then they are to WAIT if mommy is busy or baby is crying.

Later that day we talked about the 3 parts to asking for forgiveness or saying your sorry. Recogize and tell what you did wrong, say your sorry and then tell how you are going to prevent this from happening again.

Prayer / Hebrew 2

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Hebrew 2

10In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.

This passage made me think that we have a wrong thinking when it comes to suffering. It also made me think of another passage:

Romans 5
2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[a] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[b] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope.


Joy, how crazy is that. I certainly don't like suffering, but then it wouldn't called suffering. I want out of the suffering but I guess it is what happens in your head once the suffering starts. Turning to God with full focus. Putting our thoughts fully on him believing and praying for relief.

Lord,

Please help me to embrace the suffering that you put in my life that I may know you more.

Writtings of Old / Best Pregnancy Ever 2004

I just posted thoughts I wrote back in 2004 while pregnant with my 3rd, Petra. I posted it with the date I actually wrote it 12/27/2004. This post talks about a renewed excitement for the pregnancy after having lost a baby three months before, when 10 weeks pregnant. Funny part I thought Petra was going to be a boy.

Sweet Pea Momments / Your REALLY Big Shirt

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Ouch. I know my oldest loves me dearly but she really can stick it to me where it hurts. She wants to make this wrap around dress and said we could use one of my really, really big shirts.

Well I have gotten an excersize ball to sit/work out on while I am on the computer. I just find it so hard to multi task when it comes to exercise. Other women must do it or everyone that has children would be big. Sometimes I just consider it another one of the sacrifices I have made to have 5 kids in 8 years. I try and exercise in the room with the kids and the babies climb on me, I try and go for a walk but I don't have a triple stroller so when I am walking at Petra pace it is just to slow to be worth it. I don't have the time or money to go to a gym with child care, etc, etc, etc.