Rest or Run

The inner battle of my mind is yet on the go fast and furiously battling my next heart felt goal. If I could only be a stay at home mom. Check. I praise God it is everything I ever wanted.
If I could only have time to myself to exercise, clean, write, have lunch and date my husband. Check.
If I could only loss the weight so I could be healthy. Hmm... Eat right. All that planning, preparation. Can I really do it now? My heart tells me to be patient. Rest in this new place of freedom away from my kids before I launch into another thing that required me to plan and be accountable. On the other hand I want all this exercise to pay off. I want all my goals realized now. Opportunity is knocking at my door. I want it easy. Lord help me do it without the failure and anxiety

Stealth to Sloth and back again

Image by gardenghelle via Flickr

I want to be stealth all the time. I want to have big smiles, full of energy and direction every day till I just drop in the bed at night. This is my ambition my constant drive to find that perfect balance that will allow me to function at this extremely high level all the time. Impossible as it may seem I shine a little brighter inside everyday I hit that high mark and often times feel equally as low when I dip way bellow the line. Today is one of those sloth days. Head in a cloud as ideas and ambitions dance in my head yet no time to focus on making them a reality. Constantly on hyper alert for the next thing the twins will get into. My ears strained to hear the tiniest sound of trouble. Falls are not my biggest worry. It is them finding their way into a bathroom and unloading all the toilet paper, pouring soap on the ground, eating TUMS, sisters beads, crayons, writing on the wall etc. My ears hurt trying to exercise my secret super Mommy powers. My head aches as I battle my desire for a few moments to collect my thoughts with my twins needs for CONSTANT supervision.