Healthy Habits / Poem of Me 2005

I am who I am, and yes I still am discovering who that might be, a mother, a wife, a woman of many desires and talents. Patients, peace a tranquility all sound so boring to me if not combined with adventure, thrills and wide open seas. Those are the thoughts that smile within, awaken my sole and invigorate me.

Yes to be invigorated, stirred up and set aflame with an undying passion for more that is me. Let me feel the sweat on my brow as I climb the highest peak, let me live as life is meant to be, each day full of bright skies and silver linings. Life is what you make it when there is only me but not with a family of three.

Am I selfish and undisciplined when it comes to these? Minimize the doldrums of daily domestic life so that the bird within can soar freely with the babes entrusted to me. Run, play, climb a tree …paint, blow bubbles, and just be one and three. Yes this too invigorates me and caries my soul to higher heights. Why does it make so little sense to those around me that naps, breaks and mundane tasks deplete the wonder within me?

Am I just an immature child sulking when put to bed or needing to carry the load? Am I fighting with the parent within, obedient to the task but ever desiring to wiggle out of the responsibility? Pay for it, delegate it, and organize it till those things that I like not are but a miniscule part of me.

But what for the want of rest for my bodies wear bones. I have long but waited till my body demands rest from me. Liken to a child yet potty trained, willing to be soiled for a few more minutes of pleasure. Confounded and confused by the mess that lies before me.

Lord, oh Lord how do I awaken a passion for discipline within me? Mediocrity and rigidity is all that I see. I life in the flat lands with oh so boring scenery. Please show me the other side of disciple of body and mind for I see a brief glimpse of mountain it would give me time to climb. Let me break through the barrier that has confounded what I see.